Building positive relationships with your students is one of the most essential components of a successful classroom. Unfortunately, it's also one of the most daunting, especially for new teachers entering their first few years in the classroom.
These 5 tips won't magically create a classroom environment of great relationships and perfect behavior - that will take time and intention on your part. But, they can help you avoid some of the most common pitfalls of teacher-student relationship building from the first day of school.
Jump Ahead:
5 Strategies for Building Relationships in Your Classroom
It's no secret that teacher-student relationships impact everything from student behavior and academic performance to student mental health and teacher well-being. Yet it can feel like there is little easy-to-implement support for teachers who aren't sure how to start building great relationships with their students.
Studies show new teachers struggle with relationship building, and the subject is a significant source of stress for teachers-in-training. With that in mind, here are a few easy strategies teachers of all ages and experience levels can implement immediately in their classrooms.
Pick Your Battles
The number one piece of advice I have for teacher-student relationship building is to pick your battles. The battles you choose to fight with your students should be chosen with your classroom, school environment, and teaching style in mind.
As much as you can, avoid taking an attitude of "I'm the teacher, so everything I say goes." Yes, you are the authority figure in the classroom. But, especially with older students, that doesn't mean you have to be a jerk about it.
Picking your battles means it's OKAY to let a few things slide, as long as negative behaviors do not dominate your classroom. I'm not saying give every kid free reign, but remember that students are people too. They have good and bad days, and sometimes they need to be cut a little slack.
Start by reflecting for a moment before you discipline a student. Ask yourself:
What is this student doing wrong?
Why is it important that this student follow my instructions?
Is this behavior detrimental to the student's learning?
These simple reflection questions can help you ensure that you are correcting true misbehavior rather than simply asserting your authority over the student.
Creating Classroom Routines & Procedures
Keep "picking your battles" in mind when you develop your classroom routines and procedures.
I have written previously about a somewhat unorthodox cell phone policy that works because it allows students to keep their phones on hand. This is one example of picking my battles.
Here are a few other classroom behaviors that I allow for the sake of relationship building - and because I do not believe they really harm student learning:
listening to music during independent work (as long as it does not become a distraction to them or others)
getting up to walk around the room when feeling antsy
student choice in whether or not they are pulled for small group instruction
Call Home with Good News
This is one of my favorite relationship-building classroom practices. Call home to tell your student's parents how great they are doing in your class!
It's so easy to call home only when there is a problem - misbehavior in class, danger of failing, missing assignments - and so on and so forth. Unfortunately, we often forget that calling home for positive behavior is just as important to our teaching practice.
I love calling parents to say something like:
I just wanted to let you know that student has been doing really well in social studies class this year. She is a real natural in the subject, participates daily, and has never missed an assignment. Hope to see her keep up the great work!
Not only does this open the door to a conversation that will brighten your and a parent's day, but it also recognizes that student for their consistent, oft-overlooked hard work. It's just as important to recognize our consistent performers as our strugglers and top achievers.
A fringe benefit is that eventually, word will spread among the students that you are doing this. You'll see student behavior in your class improve - and you might even have students request a positive call home when they need it most.
Give Them Opportunities to Fix Mistakes (and Don't Hold Grudges)
Students make mistakes. All people make mistakes. Remembering this is part of being the adult in the room. Always try to give kids a clean slate after they mess up. The alternative is to expect them to misbehave - and if that's your expectation, why wouldn't they meet it?
Here is my favorite way to handle misbehavior requiring a phone call home to a parent:
I am disappointed in how you were acting today. I honestly think you know better and am surprised to see that from you when you have the potential to do so well in this class.
I need to call home to discuss this with your parents. I'm planning to make the call on Friday. That call can go one of two ways.
I can either call home and say you were misbehaving and explain what happened today.
Or, I can say: "We had a few behavior issues in class on Tuesday. Your child was acting inappropriately during the group work. However, we spoke about it after class and he really turned it around for the rest of the week. He was on time, participated everyday, and earned high grades on all his assignments for the rest of the week."
It is really up to you how the phone call will sound when I speak to your parents on Friday.
Then, make the call as you said you would. Not only does this allow the student an excellent opportunity to start with a clean slate the next day, but they will also appreciate your fairness and willingness to give them another chance.
The whole incident transforms from one that could have ruined your relationship with that student for the entire year into one that actually strengthened it.
Be Authentic...But Keep it Professional
Students can tell a phony a mile away. One mistake that I see new teachers make often is trying to buddy up to their students by being "one of them." Maybe it comes in dressing like the students, speaking in their slang, or trying to catch up on all the newly popular music/tv/social media that you never would've heard of if you weren't a teacher.
I'm not saying you shouldn't try to relate to your students on a personal level - But don't try to be something you're not for their approval. That's not really the way to get it anyway.
Be authentic in meaningful ways. Are you funny? Crack a joke or two. Are you sarcastic? Great, bring that into your teaching. Do you have a hobby you love? Fantastic, talk about it and share an anecdote or two. It's okay to let your personality shine through! Your students will love it...especially if you lecture in class.
Student participants in this 2022 study reported that warm authentic relationships were a key factor in their success in school. Sharing some of yourself with them is one way you can build a teacher-student relationship founded on authenticity.
But keep it professional. As the teacher in the room, you are a shining example of appropriate workplace behavior. Some kids might not have another person modeling this in their home lives, making it even more important for their teachers to be intentional about how they present themselves. So share your personality, but leave your personal problems, anything pg-13, and overly informal tendencies at the door.
For example, show the students a picture of your recent wedding and share your good news with them. But, don't insinuate that your reception was a wild party (even if it was).
Be Fair & Consistent
This one is pretty self-explanatory. Treat students fairly and don't change the rules on a whim.
Students report many reasons for negative relationships with their teachers, but "he/she is unfair" is definitely up there on the list of reasons I've heard most often.
If a student believes you are treating them unfairly, open a dialogue with them. Listen to what they have to say. We are not perfect, so maybe you did do something that was or seemed unfair. If so, apologize and correct it. If not, explain your point of view to the student. The conversation will go a long way towards mending your teacher-student relationship.
Is it important to build relationships with students?
The short answer: Yes.
Students who report positive relationships with their teachers do better in school. This is especially true for students considered diverse learners. Students with positive relationships with their teachers better regulate their emotions during stressful learning situations, such as standardized testing, which might contribute to their better academic performance.
Aside from academic success, better teacher-student relationships can also reduce the number of minor behavioral issues in your classroom. Simply put - If your students like you, they're more likely to behave in your class and strive to meet your expectations.
Wrapping Up
Building positive relationships with students is essential to student success and teacher well-being. Use these five simple strategies to build strong and authentic relationships with your students:
Pick Your Battles
Call Home with Good News
Give Them Opportunities to Correct Mistakes (and Don't Hold a Grudge)
Be Authentic...But Keep it Professional
Be Fair & Consistent
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