A few weeks ago, at my grandmother’s wake, someone mentioned a sign that hung in her kitchen for many years before I was born. It read, “Clean enough to be healthy, messy enough to be happy.”
I can’t remember who shared this story (apologies if you’re reading this!), but I can’t seem to get the saying out of my head - In a good way. And judging by the crowd’s response, it seems to have stayed with many others over the decades.
Housekeeping Can Become Overwhelming
I grew up in a very well-managed, always clean household. Sure, it got a little messy sometimes, but it was always clean. More often than not, it was deep cleaned. And I honestly don’t know how the hell my parents did it all.
My childhood memories are dotted with weekends watching my parents finish the house and yard work without hiring out and without losing their minds (usually). My mom climbing out on the roof to wash the windows or dragging all the furniture around to bleach-clean the downstairs floors. My dad raking leaves, mowing nearly two acres of lawn, or managing the ever-growing vegetable gardens.
Now I’m here, twenty years later and with one fewer kid, wondering how in the world they got it all done. As the stay-at-home parent, the housework and yardwork generally fall to me while my husband works long hours, and it’s tough to keep up!
Many of us believe our houses should be immaculately clean. Maybe, like me, that standard was set by the home you grew up in. Or maybe your childhood house was so messy you want yours to be the opposite. Perhaps it’s simply the oversharing of “perfect” homes on social media that has you feeling this way.
Regardless of where it comes from, it can be tough to take “immaculately clean and organized” out of your definition of a “perfect home.” And to stop striving for that even when it becomes detrimental to you.
I’m not ashamed to admit I sometimes find all the upkeep overwhelming. And, if my experiences with other parents are anything to go by, I’m not the only one feeling that way. Over the past few years, I’ve implemented strategies to make everything more manageable, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t still hard sometimes.
A quick side note - If you are struggling with housekeeping, here are a few things that helped me:
Scheduling 1-2 chores to complete every weekday so they all get done without ever having to spend an entire day cleaning
Being upfront with my husband when I need him to lend a hand
Cleaning WITH the kids instead of in my limited kid-free time (the toddler “helps” and I baby wear)
But, back to the point of this post, maybe it’s time to take some advice from that old sign in my grandmother’s kitchen. Maybe we can all redefine a “perfect” house as “clean enough to be healthy, but messy enough to be happy.”
“Clean Enough to be Healthy”
Clean enough to be healthy sounds like a perfect standard. It’s easy to get caught up in the need for the house to be super clean and sterile, but is it really necessary? Probably not.
I would love to emulate the spotless home I grew up in – But maybe it’s just not realistic right now. When my kids are older, I like to think I’ll return to striving for such a standard. For now, however, I’m just trying to relax a little bit.
What does “clean enough to be healthy” really mean?
To me, it means all food and kitchen mess is handled before bedtime. The floors get weekly vacuuming. The toilets get bleached, and the showers get scrubbed. Old food is thrown away, and the laundry is done often enough that everyone in the house has clean clothes daily.
The inevitable dust in our living space has a pass until a special occasion. The dog hair that never stops accumulating can remain underneath the furniture for a while. The baseboards can stay scuffed, and the window washing can wait.
Health is both physical and mental.
Generally, the house needs to be clean enough to avoid the nastiness that comes with actual filth to keep us physically healthy.
At the same time, the state of the house also needs to pass the mental health test – a.k.a. the skipped chores can’t stress me out even more than just doing them would have done in the first place. It’s a delicate balance.
So, if you’re joining me in this journey, you’ll need to figure out what “clean enough to be healthy” means to you. If you can’t stop staring at that scuffed baseboard, go clean it, and to hell with my suggestion to ignore it. We all have our things.
“Messy Enough to be Happy”
Here it is, folks, the true heart of the matter. Obsessive cleaning can be so overwhelming that you become unhappy. Instead, let’s keep it messy enough to stay happy.
Will lingering dust on knickknacks atop the piano really impact my day? Nope. Will anyone notice if the leaves behind the shed aren’t raked? Probably not. Will filling every free moment of my day with these and other tasks stress me out and lead to burnout? Probably. So let’s skip them.
My grandmother raised five boys and a few foster children to boot. She probably lived by “messy enough to be happy” because, damn, what else could she do? I only have two kids, and I feel that.
I like hearing about the sign that hung in her healthy, happy kitchen. Strangely, I feel like it has given me permission, somehow, to adopt the same mentality in my own home. And each time I think about it, I think about her, which is nice, even if it makes me a little sad.
One day, when the kids are a little older, I’ll have time to do more. But, for now, I’d rather spend the day playing and learning with them. And use my kid-free moments to take a much-needed break instead of trudging through a never-ending list of chores.
If you’re looking for a sign to let the little things around the house go or permission to lower the standard a bit, here you go! Let’s set a new standard. “Clean enough to be healthy, but messy enough to be happy.”
Author's Note: Check out this post for more about my grandmother and her legacy,
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