Yep, it happened. And it was probably my fault. He looked up from his little seat in the shopping cart and said, “Uh oh, Mommy! Need potty!” and I just did not react fast enough.
Between my sore back (an unfortunate injury lingering from last week) and our distance from the store’s bathroom, we never had a chance. By the time we got to the potty, he’d peed on his undies, pants, and the shopping cart. Oops.
Potty Training Makes You a Little Bit Insane
Potty training is no fun. It is time-consuming, frustrating, and more detrimental to mental health than nearly anything else we’ve experienced as new parents.
Before we started, I took a video course put out by toddler experts I follow on Instagram. Overall, the course was pretty good. It was filled with great advice and helpful tips that really made a difference when we got going.
The only negative was it made it sound like the bulk of the potty training would be finished in three days. Oh, I laugh at the naivety of three-weeks-ago me, setting up the potty and thinking, “it will only be three days!”
After a week of chaos, I received some excellent potty training advice from an old acquaintance. We were chatting on Instagram, as old acquaintances do, when I mentioned we were potty training, and I was at my wit’s end.
As a mom of four, she’s been there. She reminded me it was a long learning process, and my role is to help him get through accidents. She gave me a few tips for predicting them. Honestly, just hearing it was normal to take some time significantly helped. I wasn’t alone! We (probably) weren’t doing it wrong! Solidarity, sister.
This advice was later echoed by my dad and my mother-in-law. The internet and social media make us all think it will be only a few days — three days is often the magically touted number — before BAM, potty trained. *rolls eyes.*
Surprise! Potty Training Takes Longer Than Three Days
The first three days were difficult, but certainly not the end. We started with the naked phase, and he did great! Then we added pants, and everything went straight to pieces.
Accident after accident, taking us right into day 4 when we finally started to see progress.
We had a great week! and then BOOM a terrible weekend. All accidents and hardly any successful potty-ing. I was in tears by Sunday afternoon, ready to quit and try again in a few months. And then something incredible, and bizarre, happened.
After 30 minutes of my son fighting his nap and his pre-nap sit on the potty, I told him I was going downstairs for a few minutes because “Mommy was getting frustrated and needed a little break.” I scooped up the newborn and went to catch my breath in the kitchen.
So, there I am, watching him on the monitor. He played with a toy for a few minutes, and then he got up and WENT TO THE POTTY. He pulled down his pants, sat on the little potty in his room, then flushed the (fake) flusher. He walked over to his bed, climbed in, and went to sleep.
I’m pretty sure my mouth fell open as I watched. And then I started laughing, because what the actual f*** had just happened?
The whole situation was even funnier because 1) he pulled his pants down, but not his sleep pull-up. So sure, he peed on the potty, but actually into his pull-up. and 2) he never got his pants back up, so he napped with his pants around his ankles. Toddlers, man.
Then I called my parents to tell them what happened. They laughed, and my mom informed me it was typical for kids to say no, no, no, and then do what you want when your back is turned. According to her, they never grow out of it (lol).
For some reason, ever since that nap, James has turned a corner for the better in potty training. We still have accidents — He peed in the grocery store, remember? — But he is doing well and has had many accident-free days since then.
Potty training …It’s rough business.
YOU Need to Be Ready for Potty Training Your Kid
I’ve learned how important it is for you, as the parent, to be just as ready as your kid for the potty training process. I’m not sure if I was, but I will make sure I am for the next kid.
Here are a few signs you (the parent) are ready for potty training:
You have a few days where you can focus on nothing but potty training.
You understand this will be a long process and not be complete in three, four, or even five days. Accidents will continue to happen.
You are mentally ready to clean up quite a few accidents without losing morale or giving up.
You have accepted that you are not using diapers anymore, even if it takes longer than you expected for your kid to get the hang of the potty.
You are okay with the idea of your child having an accident somewhere other than your home. You have a plan, and you are ready to deal with it.
See number 5? I finally got there over the weekend. After three weeks of being cooped up in the house, feeling CRAZY, and watching my son go a little nuts from boredom, I finally said, f*** it. We are going out and doing things. And if he pees in his pants, so be it.
I think part of me was waiting for him to use the potty without any mistakes for a while before we ventured out of the house. So we stopped walking the dog, visiting the park, running errands, etc. We stayed home and it was unhealthy for all of us.
I’m so glad to be in a new mindset. Accepting that an accident out in the world was a possibility, and not the worst thing ever, allowed us to get our life back.
And guess what? He peed in the grocery store today. And not only did nobody notice or care, but we just cleaned up, changed pants, and went about our life. Shit happens, right?
Author's Note: This was originally published on Medium (3/6/2023).
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