Change has always been a significant inspiration in my writing
The ebbing and flowing of different chapters of life, even when things feel stagnant, and the inevitability of it all. It's a theme that's always wound itself throughout my thoughts, an undercurrent in my mind since adolescence.
The way I think about change has shifted over the years, from a hyperawareness of the impermanence of careless youth to studying the big picture of global history. Growth and loss, consistency and new beginnings. All of my experiences have altered how I see the world.
I'm fascinated by how momentous even the smallest shifts in our personal lives can feel, despite their insignificance in the larger world. Even more interesting is the human ability to disregard the big picture when it often holds such implications for us all.
But, really, who determines what is significant and what is not? After all, your world is only as big as what you know.
Is the breakup of a teenage relationship as important as the collapse of a global company? Certainly it is to the teenager whose life revolves around their relationship but who has never heard of the failing company. Not so much to the laid-off employee who has never met the teenager.
Life is about perspective and change is no different. I think that's why it captures my interest the way it does. Everything changes - from our environment to our circumstances to ourselves. One person is many selves over their lives. Reflecting on this can be insightful and inspiring as you look forward to the next chapter of life.
For me, the next chapter is right around the corner as we prepare for our daughter's arrival in the next two weeks. Our little family is about to get a little bigger, and BOY is that bringing many feelings for this mom.
I've been away from the blog as we dealt with the complications of a breech baby in a difficult (and painful) position. I am ever thankful that our doctor safely repositioned the baby last week, and we are much more comfortable, less anxious, and able to think clearly again. What am I thinking about? Change, of course.
New babies bring new beginnings and bittersweet endings. Our son opened a brand new chapter and closed that of our young adult lives in NYC. Our daughter will bring the joy of new life, a multi-child household, and the end of our existing normal.
Last night, we re-activated our grocery delivery subscription and placed our first order. At almost 38 weeks pregnant, it has officially become too difficult for me to physically grocery shop with our almost two-year-old. Honestly, I teared up when the order was placed.
Am I sad about groceries? Not really. But my son loves going to Stop and Shop. He looks forward to it. He talks about it. He cries if we drive by without stopping. He knows all the aisles and everything we buy regularly. Grocery shopping is one of his favorite activities and the first of many we will no longer be doing just the two of us.
I am a stay-at-home mom (with a little bit of writer & teaching consultant sprinkled in). My husband loves to be involved and is very supportive, but he often works long hours and works a brutal busy season four months of the year. This means my son and I have been attached at the hip for most of his life. We do everything together.
I realized last night that the eight hours we spent in the hospital last week was the longest I've been away from my son since he was born almost two years ago. I've gone to work twice since then, both for short days. I've gone out to dinner with friends three times. And I've enjoyed a handful of outings with my husband while my son was home with the grandparents.
To be clear, I'm not complaining about this. Being a mom is a full-time and exhausting job, but I really do love it. I have a support system that gives me a break when I need one, and I love that my son and I are so close. It brings me more joy than anything ever has before, and I wouldn't change our situation or relationship for anything.
It might sound crazy, but I often turn down opportunities for others to take him off my hands for the day. I know not all parents feel this way, but I do, and to each their own. I want to spend as much time as possible with my kid before sending him off to Kindergarten and eventually into the world.
Now that baby #2 is coming down the line, it's hard to accept that this will all change. I am so excited for another child and everything that comes with her. I can't wait to see my son become a big brother and my husband become a girl-dad. But I also think it's okay to feel a little sad about the end of this special time of bonding between my firstborn and me.
Such is the way of life, I think. With endings come beginnings, and I look forward to this next one. Like all those before it, the transition will become another source of inspiration for my writing. It will likely appear in a short story or two, or maybe a novel. Only time will tell.
Change is a unifying theme because we can all relate to it. Our experiences as humans are unique, but we all face changes that impact us in similar ways. Nothing is permanent, and nobody escapes the passage of time. All we can do is embrace it, learn from it, and keep moving forward.
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