Of all the lessons I learned as a teacher, one stands out as particularly beneficial for parents everywhere: Establish routines for yourself and your kids.
What is a Family Routine?
Merriam-Webster tells me a routine is a “regular course of procedure.” I prefer to think of it more simply, as a consistent plan you follow in a given situation.
Your family routines are the daily and overarching habits in your family’s life. These can be day-to-day routines (how does your day unfold?) or your lifestyle’s larger framework (residence, relationships, etc.).
Do Family Routines Encourage Positive Behavior and Development in Children?
The short answer: Yes.
But let’s elaborate.
Take it From a Public School Teacher…
As a teacher who worked with approximately 175 students daily in the NYC public schools, I can tell you without hesitation that routines are essential for child achievement and development. This is especially true for students with inconsistent home lives or those recovering from various degrees of trauma inside or outside school.
Why? Here are a few reasons, based on my experience, that routines encourage positive behavior in children and young adults:
Routines reduce undesirable behavior. If children do not know what they should be doing at any given moment, they will fill that space with things they want to do instead.
Routines feel safe. They help children know exactly what to expect from a situation, feel confident in their choices, and reduce insecurities that arise from uncertainty.
Routines, if done well, teach positive behaviors. An established routine should teach a good habit that a child can eventually pick up as their own.
Routines set children up for success and positive experiences. By explicitly teaching children what they should be doing, routines provide an opportunity for them to do the right thing, receive praise, and feel good about themselves.
If you’re interested in more information about student routines, check out my post about establishing routines in the classroom.
Okay, But What Does the Research Say About Routines at Home?
The short answer: The research overwhelmingly agrees that routines at home have a significant positive impact on children.
Here are a few studies and their relevant findings to this discussion:
Ferretti & Bub (2017): More family routine leads to fewer behavioral problems in school.
Budescy & Taylor (2013): Family routines mitigate the negative impacts that a lack of financial resources often has on children.
Dove et al. (2015): Routines at home led to increased literacy in kindergarten children.
Romano et al. (2022): Family routines teach children how to navigate the world and provide essential avenues for learning.
Lanza & Drabick (2011): Lower levels of family routine are associated with higher levels of hyperactive/impulsive behavior and symptoms of Oppositional Defiant Disorder (a condition that causes children to act argumentatively towards authority figures such as teachers or parents). In other words, children behave better when they have more routine at home.
Honestly, this list could be miles long. There is a consensus that home routines benefit children’s development and behavior, especially for those who fall into a high-risk category.
How To Establish Routines at Home
Have I convinced you? I hope so. Even so, implementing routines in your home might be more challenging than it sounds. In fact, it’s one of the most difficult things for both teachers and parents to learn.
Let’s consider two types of family routines: your day-to-day and your overarching lifestyle.
How To Start a Daily Routine
Here are a few tips to help you start a daily routine:
Make a list of all the things you want to accomplish every day – and what you want your kids to be doing. Ask yourself: “If I were the best version of myself, what would I do every day? What would my kids do?” and start there. Your list is personal to your family and should look different from one made for someone else.
You’ll use this list to create a daily routine that makes sense for you, so try not to leave anything out. It’s best to be general here – For example, say “chores” instead of “clean the bathroom.”
Keep in mind that this is for your kids and you. Stay focused on what YOU want to be doing and what you hope your KIDS do daily. Leave everything/everyone else off.
Block out your day to create a routine. Separate your day into time chunks from waking up to bedtime. Assign each time block a task from your list of things you hope to accomplish every day. You can use a calendar/planner for this or write it on paper. (Check out my sample routine in the next section for an example).
Add specifics where they make sense. Add specific to-do items to your daily routine wherever you feel it will help you. For example, I add one specific chore each weekday to my “chores” time. On Monday, I do laundry. On Wednesday, I deep clean the kitchen. On Friday, I vacuum. You get the idea. Breaking it up helps me get everything done without ever spending an entire day cleaning.
Understand you probably won’t get it right the first time. Mentally prepare yourself to rework your routine often during the first days/weeks. Eventually, you’ll settle into something that works for you and your family.
Give yourself grace. Your routine does not rule your life. You’ll need to adjust sometimes, and that’s okay! You might skip a few tasks on a difficult day, and that’s okay too! Starting with a plan will make you that much more routine-oriented – even when you don’t stick to it perfectly.
A Daily Routine for a Stay-At-Home Mom of Two
I’m a stay-at-home mom of a two-year-old and a one-month-old. Here’s what my ideal routine looks like:
6:30-7am: Wake up, dress everyone, bring kids downstairs
7-8:30am: Feed everyone, make coffee, day prep (empty dishwasher, complete daily calendar with toddler, etc.)
8:30-10am: Learning games in playroom (we focus on various preschool topics)
10-11am: Free play & screen time in playroom (mental break/workout time for mom)
11-12pm: Lunch & free play for toddler
12-12:30pm: Put toddler down for nap
12:30-1:30: Lunch & rest for mom
1:30-1:45: Chores/household tasks (1-2 chores for each weekday)
2-3: Writing time (blog, manuscript revisions, etc.)
3-5pm: Afternoon outing with kids
5-6pm: Make dinner
6-7pm: Family dinner & free play
7-7:30pm: Bath & bedtime for toddler
Do I hit these goals every day? NOPE. Do I skip things some days? ABSOLUTELY. But, having it laid out like this helps me remember what I WANT to do, making me much more likely to meet those goals.
One last note – My routine is very toddler-heavy, but there's not much there for our infant. I did this because putting her on a timed schedule at a month old would only stress me out (and wouldn't be successful).
Instead, I include her in all the activities listed and simply tend to her as needed. As she gets older, I'll add her naps and other activities to my daily routine. I recommend you do this with any element of your life that doesn't work well on a schedule. Remember, this process should help you, not hurt you.
The Big Stuff
A daily routine is a great way to provide stability and set your children up for success, but it’s equally important to consider the more overarching routines in your family’s lifestyle. I think of these as “the big stuff.”
The big stuff includes anything that frames your children’s lives. These habits are the structure of your child's existence - Everything else fits within them.
Here are a few examples:
Residence: Where do your children wake up in the morning? Where do they return each day?
Caretakers: Who cares for your children? When? How? What are the norms?
Institutions: Where do they go to school/daycare/etc.? When? What do they experience there?
Relationships: Who do your children see regularly? How often? What can they expect from the big relationships in their lives?
Parental Involvement/Guardians: When and how often do your children see their birth parents, stepparents, or other guardians? Where? What are the norms?
Establishing consistency in the “big stuff” can be challenging, especially during times of struggle and transition. Remember that nobody, especially no parent, is perfect – All you can do is your best. Even in the most difficult or chaotic times, YOU can be the consistent routine your child needs to feel safe.
Final Thoughts
Teachers know routines help children grow and achieve their goals - And now you know it too. If you struggle with this type of thing, start small with a few daily habits. As you successfully meet them, add a few more. Before you know it, you'll knock your day-to-day AND the big stuff out of the park.
Thanks for reading. Drop a comment to join the conversation.
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Copyright © 2023 Anna Dunworth
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